The Art of Photographing Cats: A Definitive Guide
1. Move fast, faster than they move because they will not stop for your inferior photographing activities.
2. Take as many photos as possible and then lament over which one looks the cutest/will get the most likes on whatever social media you share it on.
3. Use all your communicative abilities to direct the cat into positions that maximise their cute potential.
4. Always attempt to get as much eye contact as possible. Their eyes tell the stories of a million men.
5. All your cat photos will look like every cat photo that came before but luckily everyone loves seeing cat photos over and over again. Capitalise on this by getting many angles of the same cat position.
6. Get as many cats into one shot that is comfortable. Cat friends are better than cat foes.
7. Think like a cat, but do not groom oneself with ones tongue (that is called ‘going too far’ and ‘get out of my highly regarded establishment’).
8. Do not steal a cats limelight, they will always look grumpy in selfies with humans.
9. Never give up on your cat photo, everything from blurs to butts make for cute cat material.
10. If you get scratched it’s your own fault. Cats are eternally graceful and do not deserve to have their style cramped.
11. You are a good source of heat but cats prefer their fur to be molten to the touch. Using an external heat source both lures and sedates your feline subject.
12. Never break up a cat fight. The safest thing to do is try to capture it to prove to your friends it wasn’t you making those noises.
13. If your cat looks cute when doing something naughty then delaying a telling off is ok because they never listen anyway and at least you’ll have a cute photo. Who needs a nice rug/entire roll of toilet paper/paw-print-less bed linen/sanitary tabletops?
14. Pub cats present ideal opportunities for interaction that will not arouse too many whispers of “look at that crazy cat lazy” and more of “they’ve drunk so much they are in love with a cat!”
15. Lavish any cat you see with attention and love, even if you don’t get a cute photo you will have a warmed heart.
If you follow me on Instagram then these should look familiar, if you don’t then follow me here for all my future cat sightings.